We humans are a chatty species; we often narrate our thoughts and feelings in real time.
We ‘livestream’ the inside of our heads out into the world, unedited, making corrections on the fly. Read any transcript of any conversation; you’ll see how fluid and scattergun all this talk is. Which is fine when we’re just shooting the breeze with friends but potentially catastrophic when we’re trying to say something that actually matters.
History is filled with people of power and influence ruining their careers [and even their countries] by saying something they instantly wish they hadn’t. And no matter how they try to downplay their words as ‘taken out of context’ or ‘private conversation’, ‘a joke’ or ‘locker room talk’, what they said in that moment becomes their entire legacy. Centuries after her death, the only thing most of us remember about Marie Antoinette is something she may [or may not] have said.
Where It Usually Breaks Down
Six stages of communication breakdown.
Are your thoughts absolutely clear? If not, don’t say a word. Find a quiet corner to sort out your internal doubts and ambiguities, don’t spread them around. When you’ve finally got your thinking sorted, proceed to Stage Two.
Are your words really doing justice to your thoughts, or is something getting lost in translation? Figure out exactly what you really mean to say before you say it.
Maybe they only heard some of it, probably just the bits they were listening for. But whatever got through will be instantly mixed in with their own thoughts and feelings; your words are now their property and they can do whatever the hell they like with them.
And they make it mean whatever they choose to make it mean to them.
What they say in response may or may not accurately represent their thoughts about what they think they heard you say. That’s three layers of ambiguity and the conversation has barely started.
Maybe you only heard some of it, mixed in with your own thoughts and feelings…wait, this sounds familiar.
And that’s just with two people saying just one thing each.
Imagine how far off-course things could get with a few more cycles of this. Unfortunately, you can only influence three of the six stages [1, 2 and 6] but with concerted effort, careful thought and a lot of active listening that can be just enough to get your message across.
Four secrets of the great communicators
Ever wonder how some people manage to not only reach an audience but to grab them? Could it have something to do with the four things they all make sure of before they utter a word?
What is the point of communication without a specific outcome of some kind? Did you want people to change the way they think/believe/behave somehow or are you just flapping your gums? Get clear about why you want to communicate or don’t do it at all. Seriously.
Who are you trying to reach? How do they think? What are they currently going through and how will that shape what they think of you and your presentation? What are they wanting to hear? Or not hear? What words or phrases have a special meaning to them that you aren’t aware of?
The truly great communicators are able to boil their key thoughts into compelling and contagious slogans: think of ‘I have a dream’ or ‘we have nothing to fear but fear itself’ – expressions that stick in our heads decades after they were first uttered. Can you crystallise your most important messages into unforgettable memes? Yes, you can.
Not everything has to be a powerpoint presentation. Think about the last time a truly powerful message hit you right between the eyes. Was it a speech? A demonstration? An experiment? A debate? A confession? Perhaps some interpretive dance? [And while you’re considering the best medium for your message, ask yourself if someone other than you might be the perfect messenger.]